Words on Face

2004-04-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

half way down the road
then i turn back again
one last chance
i would do it all again
don't hold back the sarrow
don't hold back the tears
comming down that road again
life is caught up in a miror
reflect back on the future
look into the eyes of the past
don't let the cold soul tell you diffrent
your worth the fight to be my last

stuck in the middle
afraid to go back
when your world begins to crumble
when the sun shines through the leaves
makes patterns on our faces
when the world seems simple and beautiful
hold on
hold onto me

don't know where i stand
don't know where to go
follow down that lonley road of being alone
two souls cauth in the middle
who you've been and who you are
stuck in a picture behind glass
like a window into the past

stuck in the middle
afraid to go back
when your world begins to crumble
when the sun shines through the leaves
makes patterns on our faces
when the world seems simple and beautiful
hold on
hold on to me
** tessa**
o and i would just like to say i deffinantly didnt post that thing about leslie

2004-01-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes its hard to remember
difficult, in this stoic state
To recall the futile results of feeling
strong emotions.
To remember just how it was to taste sweet drops of rain.

However, while here in this fortress
bricks piled high with apathy
the fact or truth or reality
of it all
seems to convieniently dissipate.

Into this equation where it seems that gravity always wins,
the conintuance of life refusing to pause,
and instigating simple emotions to become fleeting and short lived.
All the while they become dried up as dust, rotted acorns on forest floor-
A stringent course assumed, blowing the perhaps surge of emotion
out the open door.

So while perhaps the young mistress once wished
for a wild knight to barge down the palace walls.
The surreality has become a commonplace
there. Has emerged an amount of a steadfast, continual
relief.

2003-12-25T18:42:00.000-08:00

Trust is a secret combination to a lock. Two turns of faith, one turn of fantasy, half a turn of truth. Trust me. It sounds so false.

2003-12-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

Can't Turn Your Back

Don't turn your back on me,
though it may seem the easiest thing to do.
I'm still sitting here alone
Right where life has left me
So many years ago.
Have I proven them right?
Am I just a complete waste of time?
Don't turn your back on me,
'Cuz I would never do that to you.

I'm shivering in the dark
Asking closed hands for a little help.
But I seem stuck in a life I don't want.
My roots are not allowing me to move;
My leaves fell long ago.
Fading colors leave me skin.
I'm disappearing slowly,
But still not slow enough.
I seem forgotten,
Just another face in the crowd.
Someone turned their back on me,
And left me here alone.

My hear is cold,
And has changed its color;
Green, for the life I don't live.
The clouds walked into my life
long ago,
with no intentions of ever leaving.
When can I let it all out,
the scream that will shock the world?
Let my life be heard,
A whisper through their ears,
A stab in everyone else's back.
Let the thorns in my words
Pinch their skin with fear.
Let them be afraind,
for this is who they created,
And I can't go back;
It's time I turn my back on them.

My body is longing for a change,
Away from the dark alley's and
tunnels in my past.
I've created this for myself,
And now I feel it is time to
leave you,
And turn my back against myself.

*LESLIE S.*

2003-11-19T19:17:00.000-08:00

An Entry from CC:

okay so here goes...
today the most discusting thing happened
so...i went to McDonalds (lyk always) for lunch today
and as you all know i'm saving to get ma belly button pierced
so i dont each a lot and lunch
but today was different...i decided to try the chicken nuggets
so i spend my $6 on my food (leaving me now w. $1 for the rest of the week)
everythings good i'm lookin forward to ma meal...yum yum
we sit down w. sum other friends and we start eating and talking
its lunch (my only break) having a good time
and all of a sudden CRUNCH
WAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!
i spit out ma food into my hand bc the napkin right in front of me is too far away lol
all ma friend turn and stare at me lyk "y the fuck is she spitting out her food"
wen they see me pull out the BONE the size of a NICKLE they understand
i almost puked the rest of my food up i was so discusted
take my word for it THIS ISN'T NORMAL
so i go up to the people and showed them the bone
i said "i found a bone in my chicken nuggets!"
lady w. not teeth "there's supposed to be bones in chicken!!!"
ARE YOU BUGGING LADY?!?!?!? NOT IN CHICKEN NUGGETS AND THE SIZE OF A FUCKIN NICKLE!!!
so the manager comes over and says he'll look at it
now i'm think to myself "yay i'm gonna get my money bak i cuda choked on that"
but noooo....the manager said do u want another set of chicken nuggets??
hell no u crazi?!?!? i can look at the chicken ne more i found a BONE in mine
so now my day sux...i'm out 6 bucks and didn't even get to eat my food
So my advice to everybodi...STAY CLEAR OF THE McDONALDS CHICKEN NUGGETS
you never kno wacha gonna get (real chicken my ass hole)
caNdi*

Yalways
CC

2003-11-19T11:23:00.000-08:00

So I've decided.. this is going to be a multi purpose website because..since i have chosen the weaker route in life by abandoing veganism (ignorance is bliss) I have discovered the most INCREDIBLE sandwhich.. which I think I need to share, and indeed am now typing this between scrumptious mouthfuls.

Alright.. so it sounds a bit.. eh, and most of you will be like.. obviously marin likes this sandwhich, but i assure you.. high quality food right here. and QUICK.

Alright.. so heres the deal, im calling it well- fuck the name, you eat it right?

So- turn on your burner, grease a pan- your about to cook an egg
take two slices of bread toast and em
While yout toasting take out some chummas, avacado and lettue
And, take out an egg
So by now.. the taost shoudl be warm.. take it out and put on a plate
Then.. crack your egg (provided that the pan is hot)
Now this parts gotta be quick because you still want the yellow runny..
Spread the chummas on the bread, put on some avacado.. to your liking of course
lettuce, on one side- too much lettue, not too fun.
Egg ready.. (flip it etc.. sunnyside style)
Egg on bread with chummus and avacado and your lettuce.. runny yellow.

SO SO GOOD.
alright. tata for now.
(im totally writing to myself.. but its so much fun!)

2003-11-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

So im kind of embarassed that in my prevoius entry I wrote are instead of am several times.. I completely take it all back.

Bannana and peanut butter smoothies are very key, and I think that we should bring back the phrase "holy cow" as uttered by david today in Hebrew class.

My Hebrew teacher then decided that the phrase probably originated in India where the cows are indeed holy. But this simply does not seem true and is doubtful. What about Holy Smoke and Holy Moley I inquired. She had no reply.

Israelies.

and i am off to procrastinate some more.

Song of the moment.. "i bleed" by the pixies.

Alright now i really have to pee.. check out the song. adios.

2003-11-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

My dog, kerri is barking incessantly at nothing, probably to get my attention, but its cold outside and i do not want to walk her, so i instead are selfishly ignoring her by writing this. Im in the mood to watch high fidelity and eat ice cream, but then again are in that indifferent mood where anything can really go and im not sure what i do want to do or do not.

And kerri is still barking and now im feeling guilty so i am going to go and take her out.

goodnight everyone

2003-10-30T13:52:00.000-08:00

And as you drift astray,
walking slowly through a world gone gray;
You stare through open windows, mirrors cracked through their sides.
And are lost,
struggling through your own demise.

And I watch you carefully with a careless tear that has rolled down my cheak;
And I watch, head held high and laugh with open eyes, behind
A face of worry twisted with the loss of faith.

Because I know that your apple isn't heartless,
Know that you're eyes are all but blind;
But you run fast through highs
Carelessly throwing the world over a lost and gone face.

And I shudder to watch, as I look on from behind.
Because your clear blue eyes are not as blue,
And you're smile not as wide,
And I wish that I could shake you and help to satisfy.

I wish I could outweigh your artificial happiness.
I wish that I could be the prick to make you feel,
And I wish that you would find, What it is you're looking for,
I wish that you would find, something that is real.

2003-10-27T16:55:00.000-08:00

loosing sight
holding onto something that never was
but always will be
the life i once knew floating out the open window
catching the wind
dancing away.
overtaken by a nostalgic longing for the more innocent life
free of complications
taken back down memory bordwalk
to days when tracking in the sand on your feet was your biggest concern
living in a bathing suit
on a bike
clutching a towel while it floats over my shoulder.
feet dangling over the edge
the only sounds softly splashing in my ears
waves gently lapsing agaisnt the hard splintered wood
breeze wispering in the tree tops and tall grasses
playing with the leaves
laying heads on the ground
eyes on the stars
hands clasped
ditching the logical
feeling alive
knowing tomarrow will be here too soon
here's to the night.
something has changed
but here it all still seems peaceful
here it still seems crazy
a priceless sense of sameness
you and me the only two people in the world
we stand still as the world spins around us
you can hop on and come along for the ride
or you can spend the rest of your life question
wondering what would have happened if i had just once taken a chance
you are the chance
we are the ride
life is in our hands

>>Tessa<<

2003-10-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

Slip
You were wrong when you said everything's
gonna be alright.
You were right when you said all that
glitters isn't gold.
You were right when you said all we
are is just dust in the wind.
You were right when you said we're
all just bricks in the wall
and when you said manic depression's
a frustrating mess.
You were right when you said you can't
always get what you want.
You were right when you said we're
still running against the wind.
Life goes on long after the thrill
of living is gone.
You were right when you said this is
the end.

*LESLIE S.*

2003-10-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

Physical Radiation

Spread your pettles and shake off the morning dew
of your sleepy eyes;
And look up at the day
which slips through your fingers as pearling
grains of sand
Thrown against white crests of the Caribean Blue or your
eyes
Which stare into my dark pools of lonlieness and
stare down deep,
detaching my emotions from my head and
wandering down-entwining itself with
my butterflies and comming through the pores of
my skin as a
shining light which
emits a golden hue,
Radiated back, in your direction.

2003-10-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

So I just realized that all posts are going to have my name (marin) attached to the bottom. Because for ever reason this is the case, just right your name at the bottom of your entry, like Leslie's for instance.

Also.. if you want to add, the name is marinalana, password saltaire. its open to all.

2003-10-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

I saw him staring from across the way,
I could feel his glare upon me.
And suddenly
our emotions were sprung free
Like the tides of a raging sea.
We talked for hours,
The conversations melting through.
Dull moments with you were few.

I couldn’t imagine life without you,
Never thought that it would end so soon.
The dark night sky with the pale moon
Hung limply with my broken heart.

I had a crush,
Just the hurtful,
Teenage love crush on you.

Can I no longer push play and just hit stop?
You came too close to hurting me,
You’ve shattered me inside.
My emotions can no longer hide…

Even if I tried,
You’re unforgettable to me,
Un-regrettable to me.
I wish that you could’ve just stayed mine.

Please don’t think you’re not enough,
You’re all I could ever need,
As the moon still shines above,
But I still can’t look away.
You’re all I could ever need;
You’re all I could ever want.

I’m gonna let the raindrops wash away these tears,
As the mascara begins to smear,
Your smile still shimmers
Walking through the stars in my eyes,
As your face slowly fades.
No one was there to pick me up when I fell,
The fire caressing my heart,
Is like a fire escaping from hell.
My lips turned down,
Not a smile on my face,
I feel so lonely,
It hurts so much inside.
I feel so lonely
I ain’t got no more tears to cry.

Won’t my heart be given another love,
Giving something to look forward to?
Let my cries pierce your heart,
Let you feel the pain that you’ve caused me.
Why won’t this sorrow just let me be?

Let me paint a picture with my words,
I’m tired of being so alone,
But if it weren’t for what we lost,
Every cry wouldn’t glisten as long.
Don’t erase our memories,
Let them dance through my mind
With a spark of remembrance
You were the light of my life,
But without you, my heart is cold and blue.
Just let this ease the pain,
I love you and still do,
There’s just a thousand ways to say I’m sorry.

I’ll remember now you’re just my friend.
I’ll remember every thing after out tragic end.

*LESLIE S.*

2003-10-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

2003-10-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

EM, the first poem on here.. not such a fabulous one. Don't start with it. I recomend from going from the bottom up. and by the by.. other works, aside from my own, friends.. some famous individuals will go up as well. (ha, this is fun, its like im talking to myself online which i do quite often)

Song of the Mood- Ani DeFranco-Both Hands
Procrastination method.. hence, this.
Keri on lap.
Foggy outside.. but almost wed.
tata

2003-10-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

Summer of Fire

Fumble with the door key and
Ash the burning ciggerette.
For we are sitting here unamused, yet
completely taken by what was.

And the evening sky around us shines its twinklying stars.
and her hair dances wildly in the light of the moon.
Racing through the streets wich bare caloused feet,
Pausing at the sound of her own breathe.

We live in this World together, unknown,
partook in in acts completely inebriated and unable to feel
the ground.
Yet, it does not cease to light us up,
To spin us around.

I ask you this,
to please not let me fall,
Because in this cycle I can see that we are slipping,
I see nothing beneath me, to
break this.

So just watch that my head bobs up
when the whites of the waves come crashing down,
make sure that the sand embedded in my skin comes out.
Before out realities begin.

2003-10-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

Some phrases from poems written which in whole.. frankly suck.

"And all I want to do is whisper all I have to say into your lips
and feel the cool of your fingers on the
pink of my cheeks.
And for you to taste the salt of my eyes
and wipe them all away"

"And the Music which played through from you
head into mine,
And into my ears, straight through to my chest.
A titlewave thrust over my face,
sweeping my mass of limp matter off into space"

2003-10-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Not..Vanilla

A Vanilla cone, dripping through the hands of
your fingers
into
a sticky, nausiating puddle of a mess.
Forcing me to lick, every wasted drop
caused by the rays of the sun
from the universe of my creating.

And you stand by, blankly watching
As I scramble to hold on, to the
tip of your little pinky
For dear life, as not to be flicked off.

And then you wash me in cold water,
soacking me through my skin.
And as my teeth begin to chatter it is clear,
That you.. have won.

2003-10-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

Breathe

I can not breathe
Am punched
In the stomache, butterflies explode.
and Your hand,
Brushes me away.
and Your eyes avert and Your mouth
Runs cold.
and I am knocked uncontious,
scattered pieces on the floor.
Which you walk on,
and Crush
With a smile on your face.

2003-10-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Now some po-etry
Experimentation with meta-physical

You are not my desire in an inebriated state,
A clear liquid flowing through my head.
But you are blood, and you are
read.

You exist in unusual places and
together we escape into the depths of the sea.
The cracks of the Earth, into mud. You are Me.

We are soil, and you my plant.
The water which nourishes my soul.
You are the pure sun-shin(ing) out florescent lights,
More than the fast-food restaurants and the cruelty of the animal industry.

My new age gamma ray.
We are time travel.
Our words more than a radiator's heat.
We are composed not of atoms and neaurons but of
fingers, toes and feet.

We are not the music of the rad-io or on a television set.
We are spherical (music).
We are. Emet.

We are the water which supports
a factory's flow,
The wood of the paper indus-tree,
The table salt of the Sea.

We are pureness.
You, my reality.

2003-10-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

This is my English Essay which I am handing in tommorow, all truth.. for shane.

I step off the platform. One foot in front of the other, careful not to fall into the gap as I was warned against as a child. I wrap my scarf around me, for even though we are inside it has suddenly gotten cold. I look at the numbers on my watch as I climb up the stairs with the swarm of people who are also trying to get into the station. I wait. I lean against the white linoleum tiled post, watching passerby. There is gentlemen in a gray cap and large suitcase, heavy lines burrowed into his face. I wonder where he is going. Does he have kids, a wife? Is he happy? There’s a girl around my age, staring forward at the steps, waiting as I am for someone, I assume. I glance at my watch again, its been ten minutes. I get sick of waiting and observing the familiar train station scene and apprehensively walk forward toward the stairway. I stop midway unsure of my actions, pause, turn right and then left. I am on the staircase, climbing them slowly as the people around me ride the escalator. I like the stairs. I arrive at the entrance way and gaze upwards at the gray sky. When did it become so cold, and thinking in the back of my mind, “Does he even have a warm coat?” There is a brisk wind, yet, not a refreshing one because of the dust and garbage of midtown. So I push my scarf up closer to my nose, inhaling the reminiscent scent of my perfume and begin to walk towards the yellow line, the N and the R, I want to be downtown already. As I walk I hear the calls of the vendors, smell the unpleasant smell of pseudo incense and hot pretzels. I see people in pink, in denim, in black. People with love, people with homes, people with sadness people who have made mistakes. Suddenly I stop and decide to go back, to wait a few more minutes. I miss him. Shane.

Flashback. Fire Island, day camp, we are seven or eight, running around the boardwalk in our bathing suits, chasing each other up the steps to the gazebo, not wanting to swim with the small creatures in the bay. Shane is the skinny boy pulling Leslie’s hair. Dark skinned, crystal blue eyes, in a green Speedo, always the trouble maker. Seven Years Later. We sit, our legs hanging over the dock, watching the oranges and pinks tangle together in the sky as darkness sets in. Starlight, Star-bright first star I see tonight. Still with crystal blue eyes, still with beautifully tanned skin, hard hands. Perfect. The summers conclude, years come and pass by, each summer rolling around and once again we watch the sky turn black and together watch as our friends and the seasons change. There isn’t anymore green Speedo, but his eyes are still a crystal blue, piercing. And suddenly before any of us can comprehend what has happened to our playground days the weather has turned colder and popsicle stick kisses are amiss. The summer memories have started to fade, like the once true blue of a favorite pair of jeans, have dissipated away, like tears in the rain. And schoolwork and soccer games and life out of the summer bubble have started to settle in, leaving me caught off gaurd when my phone rings and a familiar husky voice flows into my ear: “Marin? Hey...its Shane.” Only this time, my heart doesn’t leap forward and jump, for our summer romances have been long since done. Instead I inquire as to how he is and to why he calls, realizing suddenly that he is no longer in boarding school and hoping that he hasn’t left yet again.

I go back towards the station, this time walking against the wind. I go towards the stairs, and walk them down, two at a time. From a distance, I see an unfamiliar figure waiting. I see a dark skinned boy, in dirty clothes, a button-down flannel shirt, plaid , resembling that of the early 90's grunge stage who is holding two over-sized bags. I look at him, this unexpected figure whose beauty has transformed into something unrecognizable yet fitting, and even endearing. I am puzzled, Im sad, Im happy, and I run. Fast up to him and thrust my arms around him, raising upwards as he lifts me into a hug.“Hi” he says. His gentle, yet husky voice lulling in my ear. He puts his bags down and looks at me straight on. His eyes aren’t the bright blazing blue that they once were. They’re dull, and grey and sad and removed. I say nothing, but I smile fully, with melancholy eyes and push him hard in the chest. My push is small compared to him, and pushes him back only a bit, catching him off-balance. “What are you doing?” I ask, beg of him. He can’t answer me, I know that he can’t. So, we don’t speak of it again and instead we walk towards the same of flight stairs which I was previously on. We walk upwards and then along the same street which I was on whence. I see the same faces and to Shane they are off no significance, to their value he is indifferent. He grasps my hand as we cross the street, guiding me forward as though I am a child once again, and I let him, his hard hands providing me with a familiarality to play with. I pay for two metro cards, not asking for him to reach into his empty wallet and we get on the yellow line, sit in the orange and yellow seats and wait for the train to bring us down to our destination.

2003-10-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

First Day Post. Trying this..
Mood- feeling a quite Kent and Orange Juice.
This shall be an open forum so feel free to contribute at any time you like.. and to contact me at any point as well. Mg1044@aol.com